Intimacy is a vital aspect of human connection and life. Learning the various types of intimacy and how these “types” ebb and flow in and out of our lives and relationships daily can help to better understand and work through troubles. Physical intimacy also includes intimate touch, which is a big aspect of a couple’s relationship. Intimate touch does not solely mean sexual intercourse, or even sexual acts.
Dr. Barry McCarthy, an educator and sex therapist, helps couples better understand the five “types” of intimate touch that can help to bond and strengthen the connection. These are: affection, sensuality, playfulness, erotic, and intercourse.
Within each type of intimate touch, the couple can lean in to learning the art of giving, receiving, and sharing various types of pleasure-focused touch. Every type of touch addresses a different need for a person, and this can also help to establish which type of intimate touch is preferred by both parties. If you aren’t sure if your partner is satisfied, ask yourself these questions:
- Is your partner (or are you) currently getting the touch they need and/or desire?
- Are they (or you) effectively communicating those needs, what feels good and what feels bad?
Let’s learn about the types of intimate touch.
Type One: Affectionate Touch
Affectionate touch creates a deep emotional connection and is not overly sexualized or geared towards furthering sexual acts. Handholding, hugging or kissing, and cuddling are simple examples of this touch type. Gentle affectionate touch helps to solidify the connection which in turn can increase desire over time. Affectionate touch can also help to encourage further more in-depth touching that leads to pleasure in the future.
Type Two: Sensual Touch
This type of pleasure touch in a non-genital touch where your clothes can be kept on! The best way to describe sensual touch is to think of giving or receiving a relaxing massage. Other types of sensual touch are relaxing, calming, and connective and might include things like being stroked with a feather, a soft silky sheet, or other gentle texture to bring sensation to your skin. This type of touch is easily done while you’re sitting next to your partner, falling asleep next to each other at night, or waking up together in the morning. This type of touch is often seen as the connector between emotional intimacy and sexual desire.
Type Three: Playful Touch
As the name suggests, this type of touch can often cross the lines between fun and excitement and arousal and pleasure. Playfulness often equates to not always knowing what your partner might touch next, which can bring in some unpredictability. While playful touch does not require nudity to occur, many couples find that after playful touch begins, things do tend to escalate to clothing removal and more sexual touch. Playful moments could be added during morning wake-up routines, while dinner is cooking with sensual erotic dancing, or even during shower or bath time. For some couples, adding spontaneous playful touch while out on a walk or during “usual routine” events can really spice things up. One thing to remember with playful touch is that both parties should be willing and participate in them for enjoyment. If one partner is not feeling the playful touch, or wanting to connect in such a way, it is important that the initiating partner respect their needs.
Type Four: Erotic Touch
This type of touch can be the most challenging type of touch as it is erotic in nature, but does not include sexual intercourse touch. This type of touch focuses on sexual play where individuals or couples are participating in manual, oral, rubbing, grinding, or even vibration stimulation. The challenge for many with this type of touch is keeping it to only “erotic touch,” and not allowing it to flow in to intercourse touch. Taking time and care to really focus on erotic touch can have heightened benefits for the couple, especially their sexual connection, and steering and building their orgasm to transition into intercourse.
Type Five: Intercourse Touch
Before jumping into intercourse touch, remember that this type of touch should be a natural progression or continuation from the previous types of touch and pleasure. It should also be noted that during intercourse touch, the other four types of touch should still be present in various ways, as they fit into the intimate situation. It is important to focus less on the point of orgasm and more on the overall, continued pleasure from all forms of touch.
One problem with many couples is that they only utilize affectionate touch and then jump into intercourse touch, negating all other types of touch. Doing this too frequently can cause a sexual stall-out, which can cause roadblocks and barriers within the relationship.
How to Implement Various Types of Touch
Make time with your partner to practice the five various types of touch, taking your time on each type to really learn how each person reacts, likes, or dislikes what is happening. Pay attention to your partner and how they react to each type of touch and the body reactions that occur. Focus more on body & personal exploration than the end goal of any pleasure or orgasm. That will come in due time.
If you are struggling with relationship connection, or learning how to better intimate touch, check out the resources on our website, or reach out to our team for guidance as you need.
Citations
Empowering Intimacy
McCarthy, Barry, MD.
Sankofa Sex Therapy